I finished Uni at 12, did some work, got back to Brizzle centre about 1. I felt peckish. I meandered to Pieminister, a sumptuous shop that sells Free Range pies, and I bought a Parsnip, Cheddar and Chestnut pie because it looked divine. I then bought some bread and started walking home.
When I got to Bristol Bridge, I saw all the lovely swans were paddling around just down the river, so I thought…AHH I’ll feed them! I walked down to the harbour side, and got out some baguettes from my bag. It was at this point that the birds began to sense something. At first there were 3 swans, then 7. I like a swan, I like them, so I didn’t mind. Come round babies, have some bread!
Then the pigeons started coming. At first only a small collection, but this quickly grew to a miraculous flock, until eventually I was being stampeded. I kept my cool, however. I thought, I like pigeons, I like them. They’re underated, like baked beans. I had plenty of bread for the swans AND the pigeons, and so therefore all was well.
BUT. Not long had I been feeding the pigeons, when the tribe of the seagulls came. The big mammas approached me first, checked out the area. Then the babies came, with their speckled pudgy roundness of childhood, and I tried to keep my cool still. I liked the swans, I liked the pigeons, I liked the baby seagulls. I tried feeding these ones first, but the big mammas kept flying at my face, attack! attack! I had a little scream at them, they didn’t care. The lovely chill out with the swans that I had anticipated had become an ornithological riot.
Eventually, I wanted to leave, so I threw the last chunk of baguette (probably about 350g worth) at one of the seagulls. It wasn’t happy.
I managed to get this CCTV still: